Wednesday, November 30, 2011

This is Not How You Thesis!

I... am entering panic mode. Yep.

My thesis proposal is due Friday, at 3pm, along with my ethics application. What am I doing? Reading through the Reasoning with Vampires archive (which is an AWESOME tumblog, btw. If you love grammar and appreciate that Twilight is literary drivel if it can be called literary anything, you will love this tumblog).

I just cannot bring myself to work on my proposal or my ethics for more than a few moments at a time. I'll open the file... stare at it a bit... maybe write a sentence... fix that sentence there... open one of my sources... scan through it for a few minutes looking for anything relevant... and then go back to RwV.


Monday, November 28, 2011


I know I'm supposed to eventually move on from this breakup and live my life. I know I'm supposed to be an empowered woman who can do her own thing, who doesn't need anybody to make her happy...

Well, yeah. I can be happy without him. I can live my life without him. I can be successful, and do my own thing, and get on with everything without him. But it certainly won't be the same. I won't ever get over it, it seems. I love him as much now as I ever did. I miss him desperately every day. I can do my things, get my life moving, but I'm always missing him.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Oh Yeah

I don't think I actually mentioned here that I'm planning to go to Korea next year to teach english. But, uh, yeah. That's the plan!

Just thought I should put that out there lol.

Wooden Bird

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Well. Don't I Feel Stupid.

My ex got home from his date this morning. He's seeing this girl and I guess its getting serious, so that's great.

Anyway on the walk to campus, I asked him what the hell what he said on sunday night to me was supposed to mean.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Things I Learned in Montreal

I got back from Montreal yesterday. Here are some things I learned while I was there:

Friday, November 18, 2011


I... get to see Dorian Sagan speak today. Why, yes, that is Carl Sagan's son. Yup. That's what I get to do.

I am going to pee myself.

So excited!

Wooden Bird

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Pattern Idea!

I had an idea for a pattern and I am really excited about working out the construction and whatnot of it. It's not overly complicated, and it's not like it hasn't been done before, but I had the idea without seeing other patterns for it, so I feel at least a little clever. After I had the idea, I looked up the specs and found patterns for similar things, but nothing quiiiiite like I had in mind, so I think it's worth coming up with something.

And... at some point I'll get that cowl pattern written up. Heh.

Wooden Bird

Monday, November 14, 2011


Yeah... nothing on my lists for my four day weekend got done. Nothing. That's a lie. My date went well (but I panicked and did not make a move when I should have!) and I had yummy wings. I think wings were on my list. But yeah. I slept most of it and wasted the rest of it.

Now I work tomorrow, take my cat to the vet, have another date, and then on Wednesday, fly to Montreal for the AAAs! Ah!

Wooden Bird

Friday, November 11, 2011

One step forward, two strides back

Still left wondering what the hell happened to my life.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. What I even want to do. If I want to do anything.
I miss him. I keep missing him and it just gets worse, not better.
I feel like no matter how many pieces I accumulate, this puzzle is still a mess. I can't sort it out and I just feel like I'm facing something largely futile.
I think going to Korea will be good for me, but what does "good for me" mean? I feel like I'll spend a lot of my time not working crying (not that that is any different from now.) I'll just be unable to knock on his door in the middle of the night and ask if I can sleep in his bed.
I feel like such a child. I do things like that. I'll be feeling miserable and lonely, and instead of dealing with it, powering through it, I just cry for a bit and then break down and ask him to hold me. And he still does. Is it any surprise I can't stop loving this man?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Loooong Weekend!

See what I did there? I put four 'o's in 'long' because I have a four day weekend! Woo! Starting tomorrow! Thursday we get as a "study day", and then Friday for Remembrance Day, and then Sat/Sun as usual.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Next Stop, Korea! (Actually, a few stops from now, whatevs)

Not sure if I mentioned this before, and honestly, I'm kind of lazy so I can't be bothered to search through old posts.

Anyhow, I've decided to put grad school off for a year or two (which is a sigh of relief in its own right because I don't have to mess around with applications and application fees and rejection this year) and instead go teach english in Korea. Cheap cost of living, getting to see another country without having to finance it myself, getting some space between myself and the giant mess my life has turned into here in Canada... all while actually getting to pay down some student loans! Sounds good to me. And I can take my cats, as far as I know. (Who have been little shits lately, thanks for asking. So, actually, I'll be taking them if I don't strangle them first.) Korea seems to have a really reasonable pet import policy, so as long as I get them vaccinated and microchipped before leaving.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Week in Accomplishments

  • Finished my capelet in time for Halloween parties
  • Finished my friend's arm warmers
  • Got so drunk I puked on Saturday night (is that an accomplishment?)
  • Worked up the nerve to give a boy from class I've never spoken to my number (via his friend who I've never spoken to before)
  • Only cried two or three times! (That's definitely an accomplishment)
  • Got my post-humanism paper in on time
  • Got my annotated bibliography for my thesis in on time
  • Figured out what I'm going to do for my violence presentation next week
  • Had coffee with an adorable girl
  • Did laundry (and hung it all up to dry)! (you have no idea what kind of an accomplishment that is. I can see my floor)
  • Got my passport application in
  • Had a great Samhain with amazing friends
  • Drank way too much between Friday night and last night
  • Admitted to a friend that I like him (just to get shot down, but whatever. I made a move, that's an accomplishment).
  • Made it to work for every shift
  • Did some things on my own (that rarely happens)

That's my capelet! (I was a porcelain doll)